039: Career Development Tips and Living Your Best Life - How The Working Mom Happiness Method Changed Kelly's Life
In this episode Kelly shares how The Working Mom Happiness Method led to a big career change and promotion, designing and living her best life, having boundaries, valuing herself enough to buy her dream house, and much more!
Learn more about The Working Mom Happiness Method course here!
To join The Working Mom Happiness Method Facebook group click here.
-
Hi, my name is Katy Blommer and my passion is helping women learn how to put themselves first, I learned all the tools for success on my own 12 year journey that has led me to finally figuring out how to live my best life. My journey included overcoming body image issues, and yo yo dieting, climbing the corporate ladder to a multiple six figure career, navigating mom guilt through a 60 hour workweek turning around marriage issues, and much more. Now, I'm truly living my best life. And I've pretty much become obsessed with teaching others my tried and true methods for creating balance, maintaining healthy habits, improving your relationship, career development, and how to stop tying your value and worth, to the way you look and how you serve others. I'm so passionate about helping others learn this, that I created the working mom happiness method to help you get there too. So if you're ready to learn how to live your best life, pull up a chair or put on your walking shoes and get ready to dive in. This is the working mom happiness method podcast.
Welcome to the working mom happiness method Podcast. I'm Katy Blommer. And I am so excited to be back in action here after taking a few months off from the podcast. And I know that what I promised in the last episode is that I was not going to stop doing it. I've been practicing what I preach and sticking to my boundaries. And so I took a little bit of time off. But I'm so excited to take this into the next phase, which is to bring on guests and interview wonderful women who have taken the full program and how it has changed their lives. And I am so excited today to have Kelly on Yay. So Kelly is going to introduce herself in a little bit more detail here in just a minute. The reason I wanted to have you on is because you were in the very first group that I took through the working mom happiness methods. So back in 2020, when it was brand new, and it has been so amazing staying in contact with you and so inspiring to see you continue to follow what you've learned in the program and stay consistent with it. I know you still update your best life master plan. And you still listen to the podcast on repeat, which is awesome. It makes me so excited. And it has been so amazing. Just seeing how it continues to keep you on you're living your best life in your career and all the advancements you've made there and in your personal life as well. And as you know, I think it's all one life, right? It's all the work life, the personal life, it's all one life. So thank you for being here. I'm so excited. I know that everyone listening is going to just get so much out of this and learn so much from you. So welcome. I would love if you would just start by telling us a little bit more about yourself. That'd be great.
Absolutely, Katie, and first, thank you so much for having me. I am really sentimental in this moment. Because like you said, you know, I was in the first group of the working mom happiness method that you were coaching. And I remember even before then, when you talk to me about the idea that you had to start this program, and it was just a seedling of an idea in your head and to see all you've achieved since then, and all the success that the program has brought to women worldwide and the recognition that you've received as a result of it. It's just remarkable to see so congratulations to Katie and thank you again for welcoming me to your to your podcast, which I'm a big fan of so.
Thank you.
I'm Kelly. Oh, thanks, Jamie. Thank you. I'm Kelly. I'm a working mom of three young children. I live in New Jersey, just outside New York City. My husband and I have been married for 10 years, we just celebrated our 10 year anniversary and we've been together for for much longer than that. Our daughter is almost eight. Our son is six and then our youngest son is three and a half going on 30. I feel like some days, he's he's the one raising me over here. I love it. I'm a professional standpoint, I've been working for nearly 20 years in the finance industry. I started out as a summer intern in downtown Manhattan, and really only ventured a few blocks north since then. And all this time other than to head up down to Colombia to get my MBA while I was working full time, which I have to say was a great experience. A quick side note my background undergraduate I actually studied languages and so my degree was in Chinese and Spanish from Colgate University in upstate New York. So I always had the intention of going to business school and focus a bit more on finance and economics and strategy. So glad I made that happen. But back to the career I've always been in financial services. Although my roles within the industry have shifted a bit as I develop throughout my career in person lead roles that I was interested in. So I've been very fortunate to work across two great firms two very different firms that that which has provided some really rich experiences. I started out more on the client side business development, consultative sales strategy, I've held various Chief of Staff type roles at my institutions, and ultimately, roles in the regulatory interactions and engagement space. I'm a proud manager of a team. This is something that's always been very important to me as I love the coaching and the mentorship element of professional life. I love mentoring junior employees, and especially working moms. And outside of work, I love coaching my kids sports and volunteering wherever I can in the schools and the community. And that's a little bit about myself to start.
Okay, thank you so much. And I'm just so excited that this has helped you so much, because you are exactly the person this is meant for you have a big career that you're excited about and that you want to pursue. And you have three young children. And I know, when you were taking the program, you just had a brand new baby. I mean, I think you were actually on parental leave when you were taking the program. So I really feel like if you can do this, and you can set boundaries, and you can design and live your best life with the big job and the big career and the little kids, which I personally think is the hardest stage. My kids are older now. Right? They're 12 and 15. And I think it gets easier as they get older. But that little kids stage and balancing career is very tough. And you've done such a beautiful job of it. So thank you for sharing that. Now I'm hoping that you can share a little bit about so before and leading up to you taking the working mom happiness Method program. And just a little side note before I go into the question. So when Kelly took the program, this is back when I started and I was teaching it one on one. So Kelly and I were having one on one sessions she was going through all of the program that I have that's outside of the podcast, it's videos are like 24 videos that you watch, there's homework that you do, and then you have one on one sessions with me. I don't teach it one on one anymore, because I don't have the time to do it that way anymore. But also, once I took it over to teaching it in a group format, I love that even more because the women were relating to each other and talking to each other. And Kelly, even when in your group, we did bring the group of women together for one or two sessions even though the sessions were one on one, but it was anyway. So it was that very first round. Super exciting. So tell us a little bit about leading up to that. What had been some of your pain points, our struggles as a busy working mom.
Oh, gosh, where do I start? Katie? I feel like everything was painful. Right? It was, it was really it was trying to do it all. I feel like I was really succumbing to that societal pressure that tells us as women and as working moms, especially that you have to do all the things. And I was letting myself succumb to that instead of taking a pause to say, No, I'm in control of this, I need to set some boundaries, I need to be in the driver's seat here, I need to figure out what's important to me, and really take control back. Things kind of felt like they were spinning a bit out of control. And just everything started to seem overwhelming. There was a lot to juggle a lot to balance, whether it was work schedules, home schedules, schedules for the kids trying to, you know, maintain the home, whether that's cooking, or cleaning or laundry, and really just trying to do all the things. But I think for me, what it really came down to and where it really started was was setting those boundaries, and kind of taking that reset to say what's important to me. So, at that time, when I was going through the program, you know, professionally I was trying to assess, you know, how am I going to return to corporate life after my third transition back from maternity leave. Now I have three little ones. And you know, it's a bit different than the previous two times, each of them needed something very different. They were all at very different stages. They all needed different things. For me, usually they all needed different things for me at the same time, which was very difficult. I also felt that from a career perspective, I was at a bit of a crossroads and trying to determine my next step would I remain where I was, you know, which was a great role and I was really comfortable there and knew it really well. Or would I try something new? What I bet on myself, right? What I take that next step and I think from a personal introspective point of view, I was really trying to you know, who am I some of these existential questions, right? These deeper questions, you know, who am I anymore? Did my identity just morph into mom, you know, what's important to me? What is this kind of new version of life look like now as a mom of three and things became a little bit more challenging things that before were quite easy to balance, easy to juggle and now I had to be a little bit more deliberate With my time and with my energy, so there were a lot of things kind of swirling in my head. But for me, it was kind of how do I take this next step forward? And what does that next step look like? So going through the program was really advantageous for me, because especially when we had talked about before you had started the program, Katie, we had discussed kind of all of these things that there's no roadmap for, right? And so how do you add a particular place in your life? How do you kind of map that out? Right? As we go through growing up, we go through school, that map is there for us. And that guide is there for us, right? You know, you go to the next grade, you go to this, you get maybe you go to college, maybe you go to vocational school, maybe you go to graduate school, and there's kind of this natural progression. And it's almost like one day you wake up and you're like, wait a second, what is that roadmap and that realization that, hey, I have to create that roadmap for myself. So those were just some of the pain points. But really, it was, it was unfortunate that it was kind of how can I do this all? Yeah, maybe that wasn't realistic at all?
Well, and I think that I hate to use extreme words, like, always the case and everyone I speak to, but it really does feel like when I start to get into these discussions with working minds, it really seems like that's how we all feel it is so difficult to balance it. And I love what you said there was there's no roadmap for that. And, in fact, society will teach us the opposite, that as women, we should, you know, I hate the shoulds air quotes, the shoulds, we should be getting our value and worth from supporting all those around us taking care of our family, cooking healthy meals, having a clean home, right, and I and I know those are like cliches and generalizations. But it's real, there's a lot of guilt involved. When we want to do it all because we feel like we should be doing more with the family stuff. And with the home stuff. When if we want our careers to go in the direction that we're excited about, we have to be doing more over there. And so that's when the guilt comes up. That's when the stress and the exhaustion comes up. And it is just so incredibly common. And that's literally why I started this because we're all struggling with it. And there's no one out there. There's no teacher of this. It's why like the mission at women's best life University is empowering women with a life changing education that we don't learn anywhere else. We don't learn in schools, we don't learn at work. And it's not intuitive. It's not intuitive, that setting boundaries will make your life better, because they're scary. And we think people won't like us. And so thank you for your vulnerability and for sharing that. I appreciate it. Okay. So now let's get to the juicy stuff of please share with us what are some of the most life changing things that have come from you taking the working mom happiness Method program, and I know you have a lot of them. So just I'm in feel free, like whatever makes sense. Whatever order to share them in just I would love you to just dive in. I'm so excited about all of it. Oh, thanks,
Katie. Yeah, there's so many to share. And I'll definitely highlight, you know, several. And thank you for helping me make sure I have these stories to share. Right. And so I think the first one is, the moral of the story is, you know, learning not to feel guilty for prioritizing what's important to me. And really breaking the cycle with that and and carrying that over into my leadership of my team at work. So that my directs my organization never feel that they can't prioritize what's important to them. So the story behind this, and this is one of my favorite examples. But years ago, I had sought Katie's advice on this. At the time, the head of the division, I was working in scheduled a urine calibration session. And this session was really to determine our employees, urine ratings and that calibration session. So So you know, one of the most important sessions of the year, right, this is this is how people are going to be assessed on their performance. It was scheduled on Halloween. And I saw the invitation come through. I got a knot in my stomach because I looked at the date and I said, Oh, that's Halloween. It was scheduled right in the morning. It was right when my kids Halloween parade was going to be at their school. And you know, it was their preschool Halloween parade. And, you know, I think at the time we only had our oldest two and the younger, you know, would have been pushed around in the stroller with his little costume on and our daughter would have been, you know, parading around the parking lot at the school, but I didn't know what to do. You know, it's one of the most critical meetings of the year. I wanted to make sure I was fully present to represent my employees and how hard they had worked throughout the year. But I needed to be there for my kids. I need to be mom. And so I called Katie for her advice. And I said, Katie, I just need to run something by you. I said, this meeting got scheduled. I have this. And Katie, you said something that that blew my mind. You said well, they're gonna have to reschedule the meeting. You have to be there for your kids and they're good I have to reschedule the meeting. And it blew my mind. Because in my mind, I said, I can't be the one to make them reschedule the meeting. But at the same time, why shouldn't I be the one that made them reschedule the meeting? I was just as important as everyone else at that meeting, right. And I was critical to that meeting. So guess what, if I'm critical to the meeting, and I can't be there, then we need to be rescheduled. So, Katie, when you said that, to me, it really was that lightbulb moment? Okay, that's right. They have to reschedule the meeting. And they did. And it was fine. And I went to the parade and I saw, my daughter was pebbles, my son was bam, bam. But I saw them in their prayed. And I made sure when that meeting was rescheduled, that I represented my employees, and it all worked out. And I think in that moment, that really gave me the confidence to know my work. Yes.
Oh, my gosh, let's, I know you have other examples, I want to just break that down. For a minute. It's such a critical one. Because, number one, one of our biggest fears, when we do that one of our biggest conscious fears, our subconscious fear is I'm not worth it, right? I'm not worthy. And it's not Kelli, that you were somebody who didn't have any self worth or value, you're, you're a confident person. And I know even back at that time, but even before you took this program, which was well before that, you valued yourself, but we get these subconscious programs where we where it's too scary to actually act like we value ourselves, right, in some cases, especially at work. And so the subconscious was a fear that I'm not worth it. But the consciousness of fear of my brand at work, how's this gonna damage my brand? This is a buzzword, right? In the corporate world, your brand? How's this going to damage my brand? Isn't it so fascinating that we now both know, it didn't damage your brand at all? In fact, nobody really even remembers Right? Like, like nobody even really even remembers, or even Well, most of the folks coming to the meeting didn't even know it was rescheduled because of you. Right. But the couple of folks who knew it was rescheduled because you asked to. It's not like the next week, they were like, Oh, I can't stand that. Kelly. She's so high maintenance, right? Like, like, it's it's our fears are not real. Or let's say worst case scenario, you did have like a terrible leader, who did think that like the next week, they were like, Oh, I can't believe that Kelly, she she thinks she's just the walks on water. And we can move all the meetings for her, well, that's probably not a person that you necessarily need on your site or caring what your brand is, right? Because that that person probably doesn't have a great brand to begin with. And so we get spun up and like these fears, and I'm not judging them. I've been there, right? Like, we all do it. I teach this stuff. And I still have these irrational fears come up sometimes. But it's such an amazing experience to act like you value yourself, do the scary thing, and then learn in the aftermath, that it wasn't really a big deal. It felt like a big deal. And it is scary. Isn't that crazy?
Yeah, Katie, it's crazy. Because at the time, it did feel it felt like the end of the world and everything was coming crashing down. But it was interesting, too. Because after the fact, one of the working moms on the team, and one of the working dads on the team came up to me and they said, so glad that we rescheduled because it allowed me to be there for my kids to upgrade to. And actually it was interesting, because the dad on the team, he said he was going to call in like from he's like, I was just going to take it from the car, I was going to step away. And and it's interesting, right? Because you wonder by asking the question, right, if you don't ask, you're not going to receive there's no harm in asking the question. But at the same time, you never truly understand. You might also be helping other people too. So be the one that speaks up because there could be other people in your situation or in a different situation, but it still helps them. Be that person, raise your hand Why not such a
good point. And I think most of the time, you are going to help others most of the time, there are others that are in that situation. So such a great example. Okay, love that. Thank you. What else comes to your mind?
So, so boundaries, boundaries is a big one for me boundaries. And as a result of drawing boundaries, gaining that confidence, and a colleague had one said to me, and it really resonated with me, and it stuck with me is that, you know, we teach people how to treat us. And it's, it's really true, you know, when other people set boundaries or say, No, I accept that. I don't question that. I don't ask why. But in the past, I feel like if I set a boundary, to the earlier point about brand, right, like what will that say about me? How will I be perceived? How will I advance in my career? You know, maybe the way my male peers are, if I am setting the boundaries, will I be viewed differently? Right. And I think it's unfortunate but in society, sometimes when a female sets a boundary or a female is assertive, or a female demonstrates confidence, it's viewed as one way. And when a male does that, and exhibits that same behavior, it's perceived a different way, maybe a more positive way than when a female does. So, you know, I had this realization in the last few years that by setting In boundaries, I'm able to focus on myself, I'm able to bet on myself. And if I can't do that, no one's going to do that for me, right? So it was this realization that when I looked over my career over my educational career, all of these things like, I didn't study this hard or work this hard to not bet on myself, I need to set some boundaries, so that I can continue to progress on a trajectory the way I want to write. I think the other piece of it is these mental pep talks are really important. We need to have the positive chatter resounding internally on loop, not the default critical talk. So one of the things I started doing is I started to talk to myself the way that I would talk to others, the way that I talk to my kids, the way that I coach, my team at work or, or my kids sports teams, I think that's really important too. And, and I've noticed that even by setting these boundaries, not asking, telling, right, this is what I'm going to do, I don't need to ask for permission. We're all adults here. I'm a senior leader, this is what I'm going to do. And this is why if you need a rationale, but you shouldn't need a rationale, because I'm telling you what it is, I started to get more comfortable, more confident in doing that. And then seeing how that's helped me in my full life to your point, Getty, right, our personal professional lives are one but that's been able to help me draw some boundaries helped me be there to coach my kids be present for meetings outside of work that I need to be present for whether it's a volunteer activity, or the kids schools, leaving work at a at a decent hour. Of course, there's always going to be some late night calls, and especially in global roles, we're trying to accommodate different time zones. So absolutely, but really trying to make a concerted effort to be there for my kids, be there for my family and not worry about someone watching me leave the office at a certain time or seeing me log off my team's chat earlier than than other people, right. So really being on my own schedule, being my own boss, and setting those boundaries at work and at home to write. And I think part of the boundary setting was knowing where I needed help, right, knowing that I needed help, I can't keep up with the laundry, I have three kids that go through so many clothes a day, my little, my little three and a half year old, must change his clothes five times a day, because he just loves to wear his different superhero shirts, and this and that. So you know what I sought help for the laundry. So it helped for the house, things like that. So that when I am home, I can focus on the things that are important to me that I value like spending time with my kids. So
it's amazing. And I know you and I, we talked a lot about that topic during the time when you were taking the program to because you were no different than than I was then many of the other women who I've talked to about this where we there's something about paying for that assistance in those areas, hiring a cleaning company to clean your house, hiring a laundry service to help with laundry, whatever it might be. It obviously varies for different folks that even though we've climbed the ladder and gotten to these curves, where we actually can afford that. And I get that not everybody has like that's a privilege, I recognize that. But it's so interesting that even though we've gotten there, we still look at that as extravagant, oh, I shouldn't pay for that. Because I can do that I can do that. I'm capable, I can clean my own house, I can do my own laundry. But the reality is, if you're charging in your career, and you want to have time with your kids, you actually then cannot do the lawn Exactly. Now, if you're listening to this, and you're not in a place yet where you can fully afford to hire out a lot of those things. I have had multiple women who've taken my programs, look at their budget and say what can I afford help on I had one woman who said okay, I can have somebody to clean my two bathrooms every other week. And that was a game changer for her. And that's what fit into her finances. I think the point I'm trying to make here is we seem to struggle with it no matter what level of money we're making, valuing ourselves enough to know that we don't have to do it all and we can have help with that. And I think that's such a good point. And then, Kelly, I want to ask you, because I think it's really scary to set boundaries, especially in the corporate world. Do you feel like this this new found courage you've had over these last few years to do that? Do you feel like it has hurt your career development at all?
Katie not at all. And if anything, I think it's helped propel me forward because it has demonstrated a more confident assertive me. And so I think not only has it helped me, but I think it's helped the folks on my team within my organization, because if they're seeing this behavior role modeled, then it gives them the courage to do the same thing. Yeah, so absolutely not it it has helped me and I think it's, you know, also put me on a more level playing field with my peers, a lot of whom are male. Yeah. And they're doing this anyway. Right. So this is the norm. This is the norm Exactly.
I think that is such an Important point. And I have yet to come across somebody who has taken the program and implemented boundaries and have it hurt their career. I think it's possible it could happen if you're in a toxic work environment, which obviously Kelly is not, which is, which is great. If you are and you do start setting boundaries, and if it does have backlash to it, that's your sign, you're worth looking for something different, I think I really do. Because good companies, good teams, good businesses, you're going to see rewards when you start to standing up for yourself, because it, it makes you a better employee it makes it gives you time to strategize. And when you're time to do your healthy habits, we know that when we're doing our healthy habits, and when I say healthy habits, I'm talking about physical, emotional, spiritual, mental, right? Whether that's therapy or doing yoga, or whatever it looks like, it looks different meditation for everybody, you're going to be better at your job. Like, that's a fact. That's why companies have wellness programs, like it creates better employees, so you're gonna get the good results. But I do recognize it's it is a scary thing to do. This is like Kelly and I trying to pump you up to take the leap and do it because we've both done it. And we've both seen growth in our careers from doing it. So.
So really, the big scary things are worth it, Katie, they really are. And I think one of the other key takeaways from the program for me is the progress over perfection theme, right and just small, consistent actions over time. So even with setting boundaries, it might be really big and scary the first time but when you are doing it consistently, it becomes the norm and it becomes so natural. So for me, you know progress over perfection and a lot of different elements of life, you just got to do it, there's also never going to be a perfect time a perfect opportunity, a perfect chance. So, so make it happen for yourself, right, create that perfect timing, create that perfect opportunity. Go for it, right, because when you look back, you may realize, hey, that actually was the perfect time for the change that what you know, it might not feel that way in the moment. And, and I remember coming back from maternity leave with my youngest. And I'll talk about another story is when I when I made a job change. And I remember finding out about this opportunity day to back from maternity leave with my youngest. And immediately my default was No, I can't look into this opportunity. I just got back from maternity leave I have I have a little one, I can't there's no way instead of Wait a second, you know, what's the downside and looking into this opportunity, right? And I kind of took a step back and had this mindset shift that this is about how I'm how I'm viewing myself, you know, I need to be in control of my career, there might not be a perfect timing. But actually, when I look back now, to my earlier point, it was the perfect timing for me. But in the moment, I never would have been able to see that clearly and have that moment of clarity. Because at the time, there was still a lot of feelings of overwhelm, you know, everything was overwhelming.
You might have felt like and I don't want to put words in your mouth. But I know, a lot of women would have felt like, oh, well, this company just gave me a paid maternity leave, I now owe them to come back and keep working for X number of days when when that's actually not literally how the maternity leave benefit works. We've just sort of like created that in our mind too. So there's that playing in as well, in addition to like the overwhelm, right?
Exactly. And I think it was also in my mind it was I know this job. I know, I know, this is my comfort zone. I know, this is my comfort zone. So now that I'm making this big change at home, in welcoming our third child, maybe I should keep data on the job front. And in reality, it was actually a great time to make the move. It seemed really scary. But what I did throughout this process, Katie was the position I was going for, you know, I had that negative talk track in my head right of this critical talk, you know, oh, you know, you might not be ready for that role. Or, you know, that seems like a really big job. And, you know, you just got back from maternity leave, you haven't even been working these last few months, like what makes you think that you can come in here and make this big of a change. And I really decided to make that conscious decision to overcome that. So what I did was taking lessons from the program and working with you, I decided not to over prepare. Throughout the interview process. I knew it would be a lengthy process. But I really took that mindset of, you know, I bring a lot of value to the table. I don't need this job. I have a great job. I love my job. You know, I loved where I was working, I loved my team loved the role. But I used my confidence in my experience and my leadership abilities and knowing what I could bring to the table, which I knew was quite unique for what they were looking for this particular role in the senior candidate. And I went for it and I had about seven interviews with C level executives and with each interview I actually grew more and more confident. I wasn't putting pressure on myself because I knew I wasn't looking for a job, you know, I was happy I was doing well thankfully, and, and I knew that they needed to hire for this role, you know, they needed me, probably more than I needed them. And I really kept that mindset throughout the interview process. So, you know, I didn't stress myself over this, because I also said, hey, you know what, there's a lot of jobs out there. So even if this job doesn't work out, maybe this is my first step into looking and this is great practice, this is great experience. And then I can add more people to my network, and who knows, if this role doesn't work out, maybe there's something else that one of those interviewers will will give me for down the line. So really, keeping that mindset helped me kind of stay calm throughout the process, but also recognize, you know, my value and what I was bringing to the table, I think, sometimes we feel like, you know, oh, I hope they like me, or I hope they see this and it's like, no, like, look at your experience, look at what you bring, you know, you bring a lot to the table, you know, don't diminish that. And really, you know, put yourself first to say, hey, you know, have that confidence. I know what I bring to the table, I know how I can help you. And if you get it great. And if you don't, that opportunity wasn't meant for you anyway,
oh, my gosh, I just think this is so important. And it's such an amazing career advice, what you said about, I don't need this job. A lot of people will hear that, including me before I went on my sort of journey to get where I am today. And think, well, that's not true. I do need my job. Like I need my job to pay the bills. Okay. Yeah. For most of us, that's probably the case where most of us probably aren't doing our job as a hobby, like most of us probably need this job to pay our bills, I totally understand that. However, what we discount is that we could get another job. Like, like, and so we go through the majority, I think most people and this is not a judgement because I was here, right? This, the whole purpose of this is to like, really let this sink in and shift the mindset because it's actually going to result in a bigger career, more money, all the things and I believe that so confidently, like, I have no doubt. But if we can shift the mindset and really flip it, instead of Oh, I hope they like me, and I hope they choose me and, and I need them. Let's flip it. They need me, because I'm a badass, and I have these skills that are really going to help this company. And they need me. And what are they going to show me that makes me excited to come to their table versus the opposite? Now, a lot of people are going to feel triggered by me saying that because it sounds arrogant, right? It does. But we have to remember that the majority of the men we're competing against for these roles are going to see one of the 10 qualifications and think they're qualified for it. Whereas we as women in studies, this has been studied, like scientifically study where we as women think we have to meet like, I think it's like a I think the studies come out to be like seven or eight of the points. I'm not quoting exactly the study. But so yes, that you might feel like that sounds arrogant to say I don't need them, they need me. But that's how a lot of the men have been conditioned by our society. And the solution isn't for them to be more like us. It's for us to be more like them. Right? We have to go for it. So Kelly, thank you for sharing that. I think it's just so cool that you, you did flip the switch, you didn't over prepare, and they valued you and you came into this big awesome job that you've really enjoyed. I just think it's so inspiring. It gives me
chills. So thank you, Katie. And you know, it's interesting, like taking it a step further to because I had that mindset going in. When I received the offer, I had a moment of excitement and pride, you know, I was I was proud of myself for achieving that because of just coming off of maternity leave for all these reasons that we just kind of talked about. But I took it a step further. Because when they gave me the offer, I didn't just accept the offer I negotiated for myself, right. So I was negotiating and advocating for myself. And because I had that mindset from the beginning, it was easier for me to do that. Because I knew my worth, I knew the value I was bringing, I knew the unique opportunity and the the unique fit I was for this particular role and what I was bringing to the table. So I fought for myself and advocated for myself for a package that I thought was fair. And so I would encourage women, you know, men to that are listening right to to fight for yourself. I received advice very early on in my career, you know, no one is going to fight for you and advocate for you the way you will do that for yourself. And so you have to remember that and one of my favorite lessons from one of my negotiations classes in business school, and also my practice in negotiating with you know, my own children, right. But if you don't ask, you're not going to know what you're leaving on the table. They're not going to rescind your offer. Just because you asked for x, right? They've already given you that offer, you know that they want you. And especially as you progress in your career, you realize for some of these senior positions, there are not large qualified candidate pool, right? So it's important to really keep that in mind when you're going for these roles. It's not just, Oh, I got the offer, and I'm going to take it and run with it. It's, hey, think about that, hey, and maybe going in maybe that offer is really what you hoped for. But I didn't encourage folks within reason and what you feel is fair, you don't know what you're leaving on the table, if you don't ask. That's
right. And it sets the stage what you said earlier, we teach people how to treat us, you set the stage right from the get go, that I am somebody who knows my value and my worth. And quite frankly, they're expecting you to counter like they leave wiggle room. You know what I mean? Like we just like call it like it is so such great advice. I love it. And you're right, it does apply to men, men and women across because not all men are the way that I was kind of implying earlier. It's sort of a generalization I was making. But thank you for calling that out. Totally. Yeah.
Love it. And I think you know, Katie, one of the other things, another story I can share is moving moving to our new house. So excited. And all these things. Wiley,
it's so excited for me to contain like to not clap into the microphone and like, because like all of them, I want to share. But anyway, I'll let you talk. Sorry.
No, but this was another thing. Katie, too, right? I mean, going back to the pain points conversation, right, one of the things that Brian and I have, my husband and I were talking about is, we loved our home, we really did love our home. But after you know, we moved there with one child that was under one when we moved in, then we brought our boys home there, then we survived COVID in that house, and we kind of realized, hey, you know, there might be some things that, especially if working from home is going to become a more consistent thing. You know, we might need some, you know, we might need to pivot a little bit, you know, we thought we thought this was our dream home, we thought that we thrive here the rest of our lives, which I'm sure we would have. But we started thinking about, Okay, well, what do we want to do to make this house ours and really customize it for our needs, right of our growing family. And so we started thinking about that, and we started making the list of the must haves, the nice to haves, and it was scary, we got an architect, you know, and I really I didn't want to leave, I love that home. You know, for me, that was the I had made up my mind when we bought the house that we weren't going anywhere, all of this stuff, right. And then when we really started to make our lists of what we'd really like in a home, we took inventory of what we really valued. And we said Alright, before we kind of go through all these renovations, maybe we'll just see what else is out there, which was scary. And I was hoping to find nothing so I could stay in my home. And you know, we'll just we'll just make it what we want. And I think as we went down that path and seeing how intense the renovations would be that we'd have to move out of the house with three little ones. I said, You know what, alright, let's see what's out there. So we put some feelers out, we looked around, couldn't find anything. And just as we were about to put some deposits down, the house that we moved into, came on the market. And when we looked at the lists of the things that we said, we really wanted to have, like what was important to us to create this life for our kids and our family and our extended family. It checked all the boxes. And to be honest, when I was walking through this place, I was hoping to find things wrong with it, because I had loved our old homes so much that I couldn't imagine moving in. And of course, we had some, you know, certain criteria, we didn't want to move far from where we were our daughter was already in the school system, things like that. And just all the memories, you know, from a sentimental perspective, all the memories, and that home really is where we raised our children for the first several years of their lives and brought our boys home from the hospital there. And really, that's the only home our daughter knew, because she was so young when we moved. So we did the big scary thing. And it was interesting, because I hadn't been in my new role for that long. So in my mind, I'm thinking oh, don't new in the role, have to manage to move three young kids. But guess what, there's no perfect time. And the time was then because that's when that house is available. And we all know real estate, you have to move when you see something that you like. And so we moved and we made the move. And we did it, we did this big scary thing. And it was a funny anecdote to that. So my sister who is a senior executive marketing firm, she and I were recently talking about the power of vision boards, and manifesting and that was a big part of the working mom happiness Method program. And you know, in my best life master plan, I had my vision board. And so I was actually showing my sister the first plan that I had, and she did a double take and she said, How did you have a picture of your backyard in there? Gosh, she said didn't you do this when you were living at the old house. And I looked at it and I did a double take. And I said, Katie, the picture on the vision board, and our backyard of our newer ish home, because now we've been here a bit. It'll be almost two years, it was nearly identical.
Oh, so my goodness, that they never told me that story. I just got chills. You have never told me that story. But I do remember actually, I remember even when you were taking the program, what because you I think you had put it into your goals was to redo your backyard like those were some of your life's goals was to like, hire somebody to come look at like what the bid would be? I do I remember talking about that. So it makes sense that you would have had a picture of a backyard, like that's totally illogical. But the fact that it's identical to the one that you ended up getting before you were even ever considering? Absolutely,
Katie. And it's funny, because that whole discussion that we were having as part of the program, is really what kind of sparked my husband and I having the discussion because we really, we knew we had to redo the backyard. And then it was like, Well, okay, if we're going to redo the backyard, then we can bump out the kitchen. Oh, and then if we're going to bump out the kitchen, we can bump out the upstairs to match that. And then it just kind of became bigger and bigger and bigger. And we were like, Okay, let's hold on for a second, if we're gonna go down this path. Let's see. But yeah, and I think the vision board story can be that that you and I had talked about, which is another one of my favorite is about the cars. So if you have
before you tell the story, just in case, just in case, we have some people listening, who maybe aren't all the way caught up in the podcast. So. So an important part of the working mom happiness method is we create what we call our best life master plan document. And if you go back to the first episode of the podcast, and you listen, in order, it will walk you through how to do that there's a free template. So Kelly, obviously created this document, she continues to keep it updated. But one of the pages is just a little easy vision board. It's literally like one page that you just grab photos off the internet, and you just paste them in there of things that you want to have in your life. And it could be anything, literally, you could put anything there. And then we read that every morning during our morning routine. This is something we learned in the program. And the whole idea is it's not magic. It's not like a woowoo thing where, you know, oh, you envision this and then magic comes and brings it into your life. It's brain science, it's that when we look at these things every single day, especially in the morning, when our brain is the most absorbent, we are more likely to take the actions towards getting them. So probably what really happened with Kelly's backyard is that she had seen it so many times that when she went to this house that she lives in now and saw it, she didn't consciously think oh, that's the backyard on my vision board, she subconsciously thought this feels like home. And because she'd been looking at that backyard. And then also, and I know you left this out of the story. So don't kill me for saying this. But this house was more expensive than something that you had felt made sense for you and and I think similar to what we were talking about before, like hiring a cleaning company, or hiring a laundry service or whatever it was like, it wasn't that you couldn't afford this house, it was that in your mind, it seemed like it seemed like a lot, right kind of kind of like what I was saying before. And so I also believe that your brain and your subconscious seeing that backyard over and over and over again, makes you more likely to take the risk and the leap that your survival brain is fighting against you when it comes time to spend the money for that. That bigger home. I think that's an important aspect to me. But anyway, that's a little bit of table setting just in case you're wondering what we're talking about here with like the best life master plan. But okay, now tell the story because I love it. I'm so so
so was about my first master plan. I had put a specific car on there. So it was it was a very large bus, like type vehicle, you know, seven passenger, right. And I, you know, when we had three kids, I was like, Okay, we need a bigger car. Right. And honestly, we had a car before it worked, but it didn't work great. And it was a lemon. We had a lemon unfortunately, and it kept needing attention, engine issues, suspension issues, you know, insert crazy car park name here that I don't understand, you know, you name it, there was an issue, right? And, you know, we really wanted to drive it to the ground, because we bought it and you know, we wanted to get all the value out of it. And really that was you know, my husband's practicality like, you know, coming in there but I kept telling my husband we have to bite the bullet we got to get a new car. So all this time I put this this picture of you know, a suburban or an Escalade or a Yukon XL on my on my vision board and it was in black because I love black cars. That's like my thing. And so at the time, you know, the world was still emerging from COVID It was really difficult to find these larger cars these seven eight passenger vehicles, it was really hard. Just on a whim, Brian decided to go check out a dealership to look at another car I think it was like a Lincoln Navigator or something like that. Turns out by the time he got to the dealer, the car was already gone, you know. And so they had the car in stock he called it was there someone had just got, you know, came in and signed for it. There happened to be a GMC dealership next door. And Brian went in. They had one left and black. He called me he said count, he said, I'm signing the papers for a GMC Yukon XL Denali, he's like, I'm pretty sure this is the one that you love. You know, I'm just gonna, I'm gonna sign for it. I'll drive it home right now. And it's funny, because when I looked on my vision board, Katie, I mean, it was literally the exact same car. And you know, I wasn't even there with him, he obviously didn't see my vision board, right. But here we were, like, he comes home with his car. And it was you know, exactly what I had wanted and what I had dreamed up. And so that was another kind of vision to reality story,
literally, like a life rolled into your driveway, literally what was on your vision board play rolled into your driveway, it was and you hadn't discussed, you know that it had to be that specific car that you got, it just was like, it's so it's just like the best story that he would just pull the trigger right there that moment on that exact one. And it's really how these things work. It's wild. And I used to roll my eyes at things like this. And I'm sure some people are hearing this and being like, oh, that's silly. It's, I used to roll my eyes when the book The Secret came out when it said like, oh, just quit your job and envision checks coming in the mail and checks will come in the mail. And like, that's not it's not what we're talking about here. We're talking about how, when you put it in front of your brain everyday, you're more likely to take the actual steps that make it happen. And, and and it's a these it's exactly abundance mindset versus scarcity mindset, right? And we talk a lot about that in the working mom happiness Method program. And a lot of people would hear this story and think, Well, that was a stupid financial decision. As soon as you drove it off the lot. It went down by you know, 20,000 in value or whatever. We hear that a lot, right? And is that literally true? Yes, it is. We know that is literally true that when you drive a new car off the lot, you buy it, it loses value, as soon as it's not a new car anymore, and it becomes a used car, right? That's actually a thing. abundance mindset says that, and I believe to be very true. And I'm sure this is your experience, Kelly, because I bought you I had the same situation, used cars for years, and then finally bought my new car. And I tell that story in the program, it's a good story. What happens when you do that, and you value yourself enough to spend that extra money on yourself is every single time you get in that car. It's a reminder that you chose yourself and that you value yourself. And then what that does is it creates a cycle, a good cycle, an upward spiral in your brain, that I am worth doing things for myself. And when I do things for myself, my life feels better. Because when Kelly gets into that big, beautiful car that seats her family really easily and makes her life easier. It feels good. Every time like the dopamine hits hit the brain, you feel good, and you feel like your life's better. And when you feel like your life's better and it is easier, it's easier in that car. It translates into doing better in your job being a better mom being a better spouse, right? Like, these things are really real, where a scarcity mindset literally does the opposite. And we continue not choosing ourselves. We're gonna repeat that pattern, we stay in a job that doesn't serve us we might stay in a relationship that doesn't serve us, right, we might just continue to feel exhausted. And so this might seem like some listeners as like, well, who cares, it's a car. It's so much bigger than that. And for you, it was this car and this house and this job and being able to have this time with your kids, right? Like, it's different for everybody. But this is what abundance mindset does. And it's just like, it makes me so excited. So thank you for sharing. Okay, so this has been the best. So thank you. I'm going to start I have two more questions to kind of wrap up. So the first one is, you've given a lot of advice throughout as we've been talking but is there a piece of like high level advice that based on everything you've learned and how it's changed your life that you would like to share with other moms out there who are feeling that constant exhaustion overwhelmed trying to juggle all the things?
Yeah, you know, Katie, I think it's important, you know, take a breath, take time to reset, you know, know that you're doing a great job know that you're doing the best that you can first and foremost. It's okay to ask for help. We are going to break the cycle with our generation. You know, we're not supermom we're not raising supermoms supermom is not a thing. supermom doesn't exist. Unfortunately, our society has made us think that it does it doesn't. The working mom happiness method provides a proven roadmap for moms who are feeling this way right to help them through these challenging times. I'm so I think it's important, not only to listen to the podcast and I know have a book coming out to us, you know, Katie, so that's important, but think about what's most important to you, what do you value? What do you prioritize? Once you have that Northstar? Everything starts to align to that, right. And, and we've been referencing the best life master plan, you know, that's a great place to start, I would say, you know, simplify where you can, whether it's from a set scheduling perspective, you know, and maybe I need to take somebody's advice here, because I have like, three kids doing three different things every season, but, you know, it's important to simplify. From a personal perspective, maybe there's certain things that you need to outsource, you know, maybe like we said, maybe it's helping the home, maybe it's helped with laundry, maybe it's helped with child care, so that you can do the things that are important to you, those are the things that are going to help you feel better in your day to day life, and we need to give our self permission to do these things. And, and I think it's important, you know, each season of life is going to require different things. So in this particular season of your life, you know, what do you need, you know, think about that, right. And that may change. You know, in my own experience at home, there were a few things that I needed to do to kind of make life easier for myself. And I also think it's about the village too, you know, I would be remiss if I didn't mention, you know, how fortunate I feel to have, you know, the most supportive husband, you know, the most supportive parents and, and my husband's parents, you know, my siblings, this extended village, that really helps us in all aspects of life, it's important to have that supportive partner. And, you know, I feel fortunate that, that I met Brian so many years ago, and, you know, he's been my my number one cheerleader, and he knew for me to make certain things work in my career, that might mean change for him. And he willingly did that and supported me, regardless, and so did my parents. So did my brother, my sister, my in law's family and friends, you know, they they step up when we need them to all while encouraging and supporting us. So really building that village. And it might not be biological family, it might be friends that you call family, it might be neighbors, it might be people that that you pay for help, you know, it's babysitters, etc. So, I can't stress enough how important it is to have that community, you know, I am so fortunate to have my entire village, my mom and dad live nearby, they are my personal 911, my dad will usually pick up and dispatch to my mom. But they both jump in what you know, wherever they can. So that's really important. It makes our life possible. So that village is key. And I also consider you of course, Katie, as part of my village, too, which is so helpful for me and have you as one of my friends and coaches and mentors. So thank you for that. Thank you.
No, thank you so much. And I think that is so important. Because whether or not we have family close by or like you said, maybe it's non relatives, that is your village or your community, I think a lot of us are really scared to take them up on the offers for help. Because I mean, I even have neighbors offering to help me pretty regularly. Like I've had my neighbor say like, Oh, if you ever need anybody to watch your dog, like we're here, and in my mind, I think I would never do that to her like that would be really hard. My dog will chew up their stuff and blah, blah. But the people really like they mean that when they're saying it and like we need to take advantage of that. And it is it is a game changer. So anyway, that could be a whole nother topic, obviously. But thank you for sharing that wonderful advice. And for the last question, I would love it if you would share with us what is your own personal definition of happiness? Because this is working mom happiness method?
Yeah, you know, Katie, a younger, less experienced me would have correlated happiness to achievement and to reaching my goals. But what really became clear to me and working with you and through the program is that at the core of happiness, it's living my values and finding the joy in everyday life throughout the journey, and not just at the destination, because I'm living how I want to live. And I'm not allowing society or cultural norms, or anyone else decide that except me. You know, I'm in the driver's seat and, and that's where I want to say,
oh, my gosh, I got goosebumps that is so beautiful. Thank you for sharing that. Because I have my four key components to happiness in the very beginning. And one of those is spending your time in ways that are aligned with what you value right with your values. When we say values. We're not talking about morals here, obviously want to live your morals, but we're talking about how do you value spending your time and so Kelly has taken so much time thinking about that and changing it as it morphs because that's dynamic, certain seasons in life. We value some things, certain seasons in life, we value spending our time in other ways. And I know that you sit down with Brian and you talk about this together and you've just done such an amazing job of keeping those values updated and living in ways that align with those. And of course, you're gonna get off track sometime. We're not We're not 100% of the time gonna be like, everything we do is exactly aligned with our values. But it mostly is, doesn't it just make you feel so good? Like you just feel great?
It does and your energy, it's just different. Yeah, it's a different type of energy. And it's a really positive energy that exactly that permeates throughout.
Yes. And we know another another key thing for happiness is, we're not going to feel happy all the time. Right, and we're gonna, we have to know how to feel the hard feelings and sit with the hard feelings. But I really feel like that when we are living aligned with our values, the hard feelings are fewer and further between, and it helps us to get through them and sit with them and fill with them. So I love that thank you so much for sharing, I know, what you shared today is going to be so inspiring to so many. It's so inspiring to me. So thank you so much for taking the time and coming on.
Thank you so much, Katie, thank you for having me. It's been wonderful. And thank you for inspiring me throughout your program and throughout our friendship. Thank you.
Thank you so much. Okay, so really quick, just before we close out. So the working mom happiness method I mentioned, I don't teach it one on one anymore, where I've actually moved it is a group program for companies. So if you think that your company might be interested in sending a group of working mom employees through this program with me, please reach out my contact information is in the show notes. You can contact me via Instagram at Katy Blommer lots of different ways to contact me through my website. But I am so excited about this new chapter of taking it into companies where companies pay for their working on employees to take it as a group. So consider that or if you'd like to have me come speak at your company. I would love to do that too. And then as Kelly mentioned, the book is coming out the book is called the working mom happiness method. We're a couple months from release, but I'll keep you all posted on when I have the official release date. So all right, thank you everybody so much for listening, and we'll see you in the next one. Thanks so much for listening to the working mom happiness method. If you liked what you heard, please be sure to subscribe and leave a review and share it with others who might benefit from listening for show notes or to enroll in the working mom happiness method coaching courses, visit www dot women's best life university.com
